And here we are again.

A little over one year ago to the day, volunteers from Alta and Baja Verapaz were pulled out of site for security concerns associated with the State of Siege that the government declared to combat the drug cartels.  PC security officers told us that we should expect to be out of site for a week while the situation was evaluated, and could return thereafter.  Two and a half months later I was given authorization to go back to my site.  Those two months were the most emotionally jolting and unsure months of my entire service.  My fellow Alta volunteers and I had the rug pulled out from under us, and we were left to idly wait in Peace Corps limbo to hear whether we could ever go back to the villages and pueblos that we worked so hard to make our homes.

One year later and here we are again, facing "security risks" that may mean Adios for me and my 200+ fellow PCVs.  Yes, it's true that Guatemala is a relatively dangerous country, and it seems to be getting more dangerous lately.  But as I battle the same feelings of frustration and lack of control that became oh so familiar during the State of Siege, I can't help but wonder what the D.C. powers at be have in store for us.  For us, the volunteers who had Guatemala chosen for us as our country of service, who had our sites chosen for us, who had our jobs chosen for us.  Flexible I have been and flexible I can be.  But where does it end?  A few weeks ago we were notified by email that the January training class of incoming volunteers had been permanently cancelled in Guatemala and El Salvador (read PC's statement here.)  Then we heard word via Facebook and other media sources that all volunteers in Honduras were pulled out of country effective January (PC official statement here).  Things are not looking good for us flexible volunteers.

There is so much about my Peace Corps service that I have loved, and continue loving.  The work I've done here in these past 20 months has been the most rewarding of my life.  I have met people and learned things that will forever shape how I live my life.  But then something like this happens and that all fades into the background.  I receive an email from Peace Corps that says in its pragmatic perfection "You are a statistic, and your 20 months in village whatsitsname doesn't really garner you an opinion on what we're telling you."  I am a walking number, a little pin stuck in the map where Campur meets the highway.  I have chronic whiplash from being jerked around so much.  And despite the fact that I live in an amazingly safe little village, that I take caution and limit my traveling, all that matters is the big picture.  That more PCV's in Guatemala have been robbed this year than last.  The projects that I've yet to finish, the plans I've drawn up for the beginning of the school year--none of that matters.  Why would it?  I'm a dot on the map.  A name on a file.  And it doesn't matter what I want, or think, or do--if they tell me that it's over, that I have to pack up my bags and go home, then that's just what I'm going to do.  Just like the hundred odd PCVs in Honduras.

Today we received official word via an email sent by our Country Director:

"As you were informed in December 2011, Peace Corps made the difficult decision to cancel the arrival of the next group of Trainees in Guatemala scheduled for this month.  It was not an easy decision, but it was the most appropriate decision in order to reassess and reinforce the safety and security measures we have in place to support all Volunteers….For any of you who have concerns about your safety in site of in general as you live and work in Guatemala, please bring these concerns to us so we can support you in any way possible.  With this in mind, Peace Corps Washington is offering any Volunteer who feels that they cannot continue their service in Guatemala the status of Interrupted Service.  Interrupted Service is granted when a situation beyond your control prevents you from completing your full tour of service."

So there it is.  We've officially been given the Peace Corps "Get-out-of-jail-free" card, and we can take it if we want.  And if not (because let's face it, most volunteers are extremely stubborn people who hate the idea of being a "quitter"), we sit tight and see what happens. 

Unofficially, here's what we also know: the Director of Peace Corps, Aaron Williams, will be paying Guatemala a visit in the next week after which he will announce some "huge news" that will determine our future as a Peace Corps country.  This, of course, I didn't hear from Peace Corps.  I heard it via the PCV rumor-mill, which is often the only viable way to get any real information around here. 

My theory?  Peace Corps Guatemala will get shut down, and soon.  I'm just hoping that they will give us the nicety of a month's time to wrap up loose ends and say goodbye.  I would hope that after 15 months in a village they would give me the common courtesy of a simple heads-up.  Some simple transparency.  I really don't think that's asking too much, but from what I've seen so far, I have my doubts.

Am I being unfair?  Irrational?  Possibly.  But I'm tired and frustrated, and have been patronized for too long.  I didn't sign up for this.  Cold bucket baths?  Unguided work in a foreign environment?  Mosquitoes?  Intestinal parasites?  Sure.  No problem.  Two entire years of my life devoted to working in a place that I don't get to pick?  Yep, where do I sign?  I want to know: where was the small print that said "Two years of service that will be riddled with security concerns, evacuations, fear-mongering and a constant flow of new albeit completely contradictory rules that you must follow or risk getting kicked out?"  It's been over a year since the State of Siege, yet my service has continued to be plagued by the looming fear that Peace Corps Guatemala would soon be shut down.  All I ever asked was for a normal, apple-pie Peace Corps service.  Because let's be honest, your run-of-the-mill PC service is hard enough and has its fair share of challenges, obstacles, and lessons learned the hard way.  It just seems that here in PC Guatemala, the mission has been lost.  The whole reason we sign up for 27 months of service--the work that we came here so willing to do--is eclipsed by the constant bureaucratic humdrum associated with trying to keep all 222 of us safe and accounted for day to day.  And I'm pretty sure that's not what Kennedy had in mind when he came up with the idea of an international volunteer corps.  Statistics and regulations were not what he was interested in.  His idea, after all, was all about people.  Young American people working alongside people from the developing nations, sharing culture and wisdom in an effort to make a better world.  It's just a shame that's been lost here.