"Yo manejo, Dios me guia"

The driver of the Campur line today had that quote hanging on his rearview mirror, over a crucifix. "I drive, God guides me." Honestly, I can't think of anything more appropriate to be hanging from a Guatemalan micro driver's rearview mirror. Often on Chicken buses I see people cross themselves when they get on, and again when they get off at their destination. My host mother is a big advocate of this practice. I don't blame them. I don't think I've taken a road trip here in country during which I didn't feel close to death at least once. Road rules don't exist here. Passing blindly is commonplace, and chuchos act as orange cones that one is expected to dodge around obstacle-course style. Those yellow lane lines? Merely decoration, it seems. The fact that I'm alive does say something. While to me Guatemalans are the worst drivers in the entire world, they do somehow create order out of chaos. The majority continue to make it to their destinations alive. But man, "yo manejo, Dios me guia" pretty much says it all.

At the end of the tearful goodbyes with my host family this morning, I told my host mom that I would call her when I arrived in Campur. She responded, naturally, "Only if God wills it." Not "Okay, have a safe trip." But instead, "if you die en route and don't call me, it'll be because God willed it. Bye!" I drive, God guides me…can't put it much better than that.

But here I am, in one piece, safe and sound in my site. It was indeed an exhausting journey. The private shuttle bus driver was an hour late, and some hungover guy from Orange County was puking out the back window. Ugh. I understand the precautions that we have to take after the bus station bomb scare a few weeks ago, but it seems so ridiculous to me to pay more than double what the Monja Blanca coach bus would have cost to ride in a crappy, cramped, vomit-scented tourist shuttle.

Nevertheless, I'm here, and ready to start. This week I'm going to focus on getting my house together and visit each of my schools. Next week I'll hope to meet with my directors and nail down some kind of plan. Until market day on Wednesday, I have no food. It looks like I'll be eating at Dona Ines' comedor this week.

Goodnight all!
Hannah

I'm official!

Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm official! Today marks the end of an incredibly long and difficult application and training process. It's pretty surreal, actually. 18 months ago I submitted my Peace Corps application online. And today I stood in front of the U.S. Ambassador, raised my right hand, and took my oath. Today I start my service. Today the 2 year clock started ticking. There's just no way I'm not giving this my all. I owe it to myself.

It was a beautiful ceremony…my host mother came to watch, all dressed up in her Sunday best. I got a ton of compliments on my new dress, which I think made her really happy. I'm going back to the house on Sunday morning before I leave to say my final goodbyes, so no need for tearful farewells today.

In Antigua at the moment, celebrating our emancipation from training and our transition into real volunteer-dom. For the first time since getting here, I feel like a tourist…staying in a hostel, eating overpriced food…I guess I better enjoy it while it lasts, yeh? On Sunday morning I'm off to my site for good, to settle in, start working, and hope for the best. No doubt it will be a challenging first few weeks. Many volunteers I've met say the first 3 months can be hell. But once you get past that hump, it's uphill from there. So here I go..

Love,
Hannah

The Eve of Swear-in

Tomorrow is the big day. Life has been full of despedidas (good-bye parties), last minute paperwork, and many emotions. My host mother took me to Antigua today to pick up the dress she had picked out and bought for me to wear at the ceremony tomorrow. It's all too much.

I remember when I got here, how slowly time passed, and now it seems like it's flying. But when I look back on training, I've changed bastante.

In the last 3 months I've...

moved up 2 levels in Spanish

eaten chicken and beef (first time in over 11 years!)

lost 5 lbs

grown out my bangs

gotten a farmers' tan

made 4 really great friends, and many others

gotten the most sleep per night since summer vacation circa 7th grade

gotten used to riding on chicken buses

learned to tortear

been inspired by many wonderful people, volunteers, trainees, Guatemalans, family and friends.

...I want to thank you all back home for your continuing support through my training. I'm going to need it in these next few months. I love and miss you all.

Hannah

Back to Bartolo

Just got back from my 4-day site visit…not as exhausted from the travel as expected. It's about 7 hours by bus between my site and my training town. It could be worse. And I won't really need to come bck here that often once I swear in next week (official swear-in countdown: 6 days).

Overall, it was a good site visit, although short. I feel like it was just a tiny taste of what my life will be like for the next 24 months. A few of the Alta Verapaz volunteers who I met at the 4th of July party told me that Alta is like a whole different country. I didn't really take that seriously until now. My journal entry from last night:

I'm at my site now, without power for the 4th night in a row. It's really hot here…like tropical hot. And it rains every day, for at least an hour or so. The rain is welcome, though, in this heat. The people have been really kind to me so far…I'm the third Peace Corps volunteer to be placed here, so they're more or less used to having a gringo roaming around the aldea...the kids especially are super curious, and aren't afraid to ask me all sorts of questions. Today was the first day that I didn't really have anything planned…I busied myself unpacking and cleaning my new place (which is nice, especially by local living standards). This afternoon a few women teachers I met the other night stopped by to ask me to play soccer with them. I went (they honestly could have asked me to go slaughter turkeys with them and I would have gone…I need all the invitations and all the friends I can get at this point) and we played a pick-up game in the rain. It was actually pretty fun. They speak in Kekchi about half of the time, and the other half in Spanish (sometimes they'll switch to Kekchi and talk about me...although there's no way to know yet).
Tonight was my first night alone in the apartment since my roomates went home for the weekend. Despite the rain and a lack of appetite, I went back to Dona Ines' comedor for some beans-n-eggs. I just really want to connect to a family here, and they seem really friendly. When I walked in they all said "Your first night alone! Come in! Eat!" They seem like really caring people...they really want me to learn Kekchi, and quickly. I'm going to do my best, but it's pretty daunting.
There's a moth the size of a bird on my wall. Definitely bigger than any moth I've ever seen. I'm going to ignore it and go to sleep...5:30 micro to catch in the a.m.!

Overall, I think I got a good feel of the community and my site. I'm going to try to be patient and open-minded in these few few months, because I know that it will take time to integrate and really get into my role as volunteer. It's particularly hard because it's like they all already know me. I'm the gringa volunteer named Hannah who lives in Kelsey's old apartment. And I'm hard to miss. But they are all new to me, they all dress the same, talk the same, look the same (to my gringo eyes, at least) and names are hard to remember. I just hope I don't make a fool of myself or piss anybody off in my first few weeks. That would be a disaster in a community that size.

It's weird to be back in my training town...it has a different feel now that I know my home is somewhere else now. The kids jumped all over me when I got back today. I'll feel bad leaving them next week. It's hard to explain to a 3-year-old why his "aunt" is leaving yet again.

Off to buy pastries and walk around town...gotta take advantage of good tienda pastries since there won't be any of that where I'm heading!

Dear Mike

Dear Mike,

Just tried your cell, you must be busy. Hope you had a great 4th of July, sorry to hear that oaoa didn't get to play. How'd the t-shirts turn out?

Tomorrow I'm off to Alta Verapaz...I'm stressing as usual. It's funny, my "DailyOm" email today was entitled "Underneath the Noise: Hearing the Whisper." It talked about how underneath all the anxious chatter of our daily worries/anxieties, there's a whisper that tells us that everything will be okay, and that if we listen hard enough, we can find reassurance in it. I'm so caught up in my nerves (you know how I get), but if I just step back and realize that it will all be okay, maybe I'll prevent myself from totally losing it. We'll see. Right now I just need to focus on getting all my stuff to my site, learning my way around, and getting as much information as possible from Kelsey before she leaves for the States on Thursday. If I can just focus on these immediate things, then I think I'll get through this in one piece. When I start to look at the bigger picture of beginning my service and everything that goes with it, that's when I really start panicking.

Hope you have a good week...don't work too hard. I'll get in touch with you as soon as I get back to San Bartolome (or before if I can). I miss you a lot...wish you were here to help me through this.

Lytm,
Hannah

Happy 4th of July!

Yesterday was the all-volunteer 4th of July party at the training center in Santa Lucia. It was really great to be able to meet all the current volunteers, especially those I'll be living near in Alta Verapaz. There was live music, grilled food…all the typical American 4th-of-July fare. But I still can't help but miss home.

Today I've been busy packing up my things for Tuesday…I hate packing, but luckily this will be my last major move before my close-of-service in 2 years. I was really nervous about getting all of my stuff up north safely on the Chicken Buses (I've heard horror stories of volunteers getting all their luggage stolen off the tops of the buses), but because of the bus-station bomb scare last week, I'll be taking a private shuttle up to my site from Antigua. I'm going with my host family to the capitol this afternoon to celebrate my host sister Flor's 27th birthday. I hope to get a good family picture of all of us to give them as a going-away gift.

Tomorrow is Counterpart Day, when I'll meet my Guatemalan counterpart who I'll be working with for the length of my service. He'll also be the one who helps me move all my stuff tomorrow up to site. I'm quite anxious about finally getting to see my site and my new home...I really have no idea what to expect. Haven't slept well in days; I'm just so worked up about packing all of my stuff, moving to a whole different part of the country, starting my work...it's a lot to handle. I just gotta get myself through these next two weeks. One day at a time.

Está volando el tiempo

Dear Mike,

Time is flying.

My training group and I did our final teacher workshop at the Instituto this afternoon. Tomorrow is the annual 4th of July party, which Peace Corps Guatemala throws at the training center in Santa Lucia. Apparently it is THE social event of the year for the volunteers here. I'm particularly excited since I'll get to meet the volunteer I'll be replacing in Campur; I hope to get a lot of information from her and my future site-mate.

I just can't believe it's already the 4th of July. As slow as training seemed at times; it's now the Eve of our site-visits and I can't seem to figure out where time has gone. Two weeks from today I'll be sworn-in as a volunteer. And then I'm off to Alta Verapaz.

I've been a nervous wreck all week and I'm pretty sure it's in anticipation for Tuesday...I'm going to see for the first time my future home and place of work for the next two years. I have no idea what it's going to be like, what to expect...quite emotionally-charging, to say the least. I haven't been sleeping well lately, which is why this sinus infection is sticking around so long. Tonight I'm going to try to get myself together, meditate a bit, pop a Dramamine, and get a good night's sleep before tomorrow. Because next week is going to be a really big week.

Something that also hasn't hit me until recently is the fact that very soon I'll be leaving my host family. This morning at breakfast my host mother told me that it will be particularly hard to see me go, especially so far away, since I'm one of the few volunteers that she's had whom she feels particularly close to. She said that it's always hard for Mario Rodrigo (the three-year-old) to see volunteers leave, and I have noticed lately that he's been particularly clingy. It surprised me to hear her express these things, partly because Guatemalans aren't necessarily the most direct of communicators, and partly because I just never really considered that I would become attached to a family in three short months. But we have exchanged a lot of good conversations, and I have gotten used to having kids running around, as exhausting it can be at times. She also gave me a shot of anti-nausea medicine in my bum that one time, too. My own mother hasn't even done that.

The more I think about it, I am approaching a huge transition...new place, new people, new language...and most of all, I'll be alone this time around. Just like I did 10 weeks ago in the States, I'm once again about to leave behind a home, a family, friends, and pack my bags and take off. It definitely won't be as hard as the first time, but it's not going to be easy. But I'll keep it together, and just take things one day at a time.

I miss you, and I'll talk to you soon. Have a great show on the 4th; I wish I could be there...say hi to the guys for me.

Also, my host sister told me today that you look just like one of the Guatemalan soap-opera stars she watches on TV everyday. You, of course, look nothing like him, except for the beard. Beards are rare here. But I thought I'd let you know that you have a Guatemalan twin in show-business.

Lytm,
Hannah