This sucks.

Woke up today and my middle finger on my right hand had swollen to twice its normal size. The Peace Corps doctor think it's a reaction to a bug bite of some sort, so I'm on Benadryl hoping the swelling and pain will go away. It's ironic though, that at all times for this to happen, it's just when I am at the point of flipping the bird to everybody and anybody.

I'm at a breaking point. I don't know what I'm going to do. I've been here fighting for almost 10 months to make this experience my own. I've fought so hard to convince myself to love this country and make the best of it, and now that I have a proverbial "Get out of jail free card" I'm realizing that I'm not ready to leave. I have a village that's become my home. And I have a group of people who were relying on my 2 years of service. I don't want to change sites. I don't want to start another 27 months of service somewhere else. I don't want to go home. I'm not done with Peace Corps. Because I'm only 10 months into my service, doing an abbreviated Response program is out of the question. So that's it: change sites, or go home. Or best of all, wait 3 more weeks to hear that I can't go back anyway, and then have to decide all over again.

I am a good volunteer, and I deserve better than this. Most of all, the people in Campur deserve better than this.

This sucks.